I'm feeling very tired now. My body is without strength. My heart is reluctant to do anything. My mind can't think. All I need now is REST! This is the side effect of OT. I really don't like. I did OT very unwillingly. I wanted very much to reject it but I can't say it to the manager. It is a very contradicting feeling there.
I'm on leave tomorrow. I really need this break & time with my best friend, Kitty! God, please don't let my supervisor call me back to work tommorrow! I really don't have any energy for work tommorrow since I've prepared myself for the break. If I keep forcing myself to do work, I think I'll give up very soon. Worst to worst, the more that I may feel like resigning immediately. The situation in the company now is quite confusing. My heart just can't rest among all the confusion. Work has become much more & can't be understood. Sometimes I wonder what is going on. If I don't know the purpose behind some of the work given, I guess I can't do it efficiently. I'm always doing according to instructions given & with much confusion, not knowing why I need to do that. I guess my superior is also not clear in his mind too. He is too stressed up & occupied with too many things. Yet, our department is only him & I. This is all thanks to our MIA ex-colleague. Till today, I still feel that that colleague who went MIA is very irresponsible. How can he not accountable or responsible to his decision made?! He just leave us like that. Yes, we can survive without him. But, problems & inconvenience had already caused to us.
One of the reasons that I'm staying in this company now is the need of the pay for my school fee and another one is to help my superior in the work as the department has only us left. I feel I can't possibly leave him all alone there. His work is already very stressful & difficult to handle. It is just unfair that he has to do all the work of the department. Moreover, he is a superior! What superior is he if there's no assistants or people under him?
Of course, there is no promise that I'll stay in this company for long. Perhaps at least up to the end of this year after the bonus. Meantime, I'll have a lookout for related job to my course. Hopefully, I can find a better job with higher pay & has good potential in the developing of my career. God, I really need help!!!! I'm tired & confused right now.... :(
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
"Sunday Sickness"
Sometimes I wonder why I have so many complicated thoughts in my mind. As I browse through other people's blog, I'll think to myself why can't I be as simple as them. The things that they wrote were so simple & direct. Then, what's in me? I don 't seem to be able to make things easy. Where do complicatedness comes from?
Every Sunday is like a complicated day. It is always this day that makes me thinks & reflects a lot of what had happened during the week. It can be quite annoying sometimes that I have to go through all these every week. I don't like the feeling. It is like a sickness that is kept holding on to me & I can't get it off me. If there's anything that happens that makes me feel stupid, embarrassed & etc., it'll stay in my mind for quite some time before I can throw it aside. (until someone or something reminds me of it again.) It's a terrible feeling like a sickness. I don't know who else has the same kind of experience as me. All I know is this has been part of my life for years. If you really wants to understand me, I think you'll have to first understand the complicated side of me. Even I till today, don't understand!
What is Monday's blues? Perhaps to me, Monday's blues is caused by my "Sunday's sickness". I don't like Sunday to come so soon but yet, Sunday is my Service day. (Contradicting feeling)
*To my beloved friends who are reading my blog & is concerned about me, don't worry about me. This is my blog. I'm just sharing my mind with you guys. I don't wanna hide so much that I feel I'm just a fake or an empty shell in this blog. If that's the case, what's the point of having a blog & yet, don't want to let others knows you at all. Thanks for the concerns anyway! It means you guys are reading my blog! I'm so glad about that! :D
Every Sunday is like a complicated day. It is always this day that makes me thinks & reflects a lot of what had happened during the week. It can be quite annoying sometimes that I have to go through all these every week. I don't like the feeling. It is like a sickness that is kept holding on to me & I can't get it off me. If there's anything that happens that makes me feel stupid, embarrassed & etc., it'll stay in my mind for quite some time before I can throw it aside. (until someone or something reminds me of it again.) It's a terrible feeling like a sickness. I don't know who else has the same kind of experience as me. All I know is this has been part of my life for years. If you really wants to understand me, I think you'll have to first understand the complicated side of me. Even I till today, don't understand!
What is Monday's blues? Perhaps to me, Monday's blues is caused by my "Sunday's sickness". I don't like Sunday to come so soon but yet, Sunday is my Service day. (Contradicting feeling)
*To my beloved friends who are reading my blog & is concerned about me, don't worry about me. This is my blog. I'm just sharing my mind with you guys. I don't wanna hide so much that I feel I'm just a fake or an empty shell in this blog. If that's the case, what's the point of having a blog & yet, don't want to let others knows you at all. Thanks for the concerns anyway! It means you guys are reading my blog! I'm so glad about that! :D
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A Fresh New Beginning or A Fresh Old Challenge
It is always excitement before a new beginning starts. This is when you can throw your past at the back of your head, to start afresh again. What a good opportunity! It's a good feeling but unfortunately, it won't last for long.
As time passes, the same pressure will come all over you again. The kind of self-blame mentality will come. You will start blaming yourself why you haven't done this or that from the start or why you haven't done it better & so on & so on. It is just a never ending story. When more & more comes, you'll feel like you're going to be insane anytime. This is very important, not to neglect. Among your busyness, do remember to take care of your psychological health. If not, it'll become a bondage to you until the day you can put it down. & mind you, this is not an easy job. Keep this in mind: It is always good to prevent than to cure.
"What you see in your mind, you'll become." Visions do carry power in it. If you visualize yourself as a failure, eventually you'll be one. Whereas, if you visualize yourself as a successful person, you shall be one. It determines the condition of your heart. You will either become positive or negative. It is all in the hand of your decision.
If you are a person who keep telling yourself "I can't do it", it's time for you to start saying the opposite. Stand in front of the mirror & start telling yourself that "I can do it!" repeatedly for at least 10 times. If 10 times is not enough, goes on for another 10 times & 10 times until you feel better.
Of course, just believing in yourself is not enough. Nonetheless, it is a good start for you. Once you have a healthy mind, you've already won the first half of the war even before you fight! Next, the most important of all is that you've to work hard for what you have believed! "Faith without work is dead!" In order to see the result, you'll have to work hard for it. Bring out your courage & boldness to go into the battlefield & fight like a brave warrior. Come what may, you'll still press on till the end. "Nothing will be too difficult for the one who believes." Sometimes, other than boldness, perservarance is the key to success too. "Roman isn't build within a day." Everything takes time to build. You don't become a perfect person overnight. It takes time, moulding & testing. You have to decide whether you are willing to take the challenge. So, are you ready?
"I'm always feeling very challenged. Can it be I've not overcome that challenge yet?" Possibly.
Therefore, it is a fresh new beginning or a fresh old challenge. That's a question.
As time passes, the same pressure will come all over you again. The kind of self-blame mentality will come. You will start blaming yourself why you haven't done this or that from the start or why you haven't done it better & so on & so on. It is just a never ending story. When more & more comes, you'll feel like you're going to be insane anytime. This is very important, not to neglect. Among your busyness, do remember to take care of your psychological health. If not, it'll become a bondage to you until the day you can put it down. & mind you, this is not an easy job. Keep this in mind: It is always good to prevent than to cure.
"What you see in your mind, you'll become." Visions do carry power in it. If you visualize yourself as a failure, eventually you'll be one. Whereas, if you visualize yourself as a successful person, you shall be one. It determines the condition of your heart. You will either become positive or negative. It is all in the hand of your decision.
If you are a person who keep telling yourself "I can't do it", it's time for you to start saying the opposite. Stand in front of the mirror & start telling yourself that "I can do it!" repeatedly for at least 10 times. If 10 times is not enough, goes on for another 10 times & 10 times until you feel better.
Of course, just believing in yourself is not enough. Nonetheless, it is a good start for you. Once you have a healthy mind, you've already won the first half of the war even before you fight! Next, the most important of all is that you've to work hard for what you have believed! "Faith without work is dead!" In order to see the result, you'll have to work hard for it. Bring out your courage & boldness to go into the battlefield & fight like a brave warrior. Come what may, you'll still press on till the end. "Nothing will be too difficult for the one who believes." Sometimes, other than boldness, perservarance is the key to success too. "Roman isn't build within a day." Everything takes time to build. You don't become a perfect person overnight. It takes time, moulding & testing. You have to decide whether you are willing to take the challenge. So, are you ready?
"I'm always feeling very challenged. Can it be I've not overcome that challenge yet?" Possibly.
Therefore, it is a fresh new beginning or a fresh old challenge. That's a question.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Christina
Christina’s Formulae:
C - Contemporary Dancer
H - Helpful Friend
R - Resourceful Employee
I - Impactful Worship Leader
S - Singing Phenomenom
T - Talented Artist
I - Intimate Counsellor
N - Nice Smile
A - Angel In Disguise.
Copyright. Victor Chan
Dou mo arigatou gozaimasu!
C - Contemporary Dancer
H - Helpful Friend
R - Resourceful Employee
I - Impactful Worship Leader
S - Singing Phenomenom
T - Talented Artist
I - Intimate Counsellor
N - Nice Smile
A - Angel In Disguise.
Copyright. Victor Chan
Dou mo arigatou gozaimasu!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
射手座
射手座
射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。
>>>你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。>>>她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。
>>>>她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。>>>她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。
>>>她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。>>>她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。
>>>>别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实是放不下的-——她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。
>>>她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由，她一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。>>>>如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。
>>>千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。>>>>那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。
>>>她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯-——也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。>>>因为她觉得这是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁. >>>她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。
>>>在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。>>>她心里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。
射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。
>>>你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。>>>她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。
>>>>她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。>>>她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。
>>>她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。>>>她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。
>>>>别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实是放不下的-——她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。
>>>她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由，她一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。>>>>如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。
>>>千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。>>>>那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。
>>>她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯-——也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。>>>因为她觉得这是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁. >>>她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。
>>>在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。>>>她心里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。
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