Loneliness

An empty mind. An empty shell. A black space/room.
Everything is in darkness. What can I do?

I’ve been lonely for many years since young. I thought it could be a habit. I would just used to be alone. Then, I realized that this was not the case. Instead, I become very afraid of & dislike loneliness. I don’t like the feeling of being left out or neglected. Therefore, that explains why I’ve been an attention seeker for the past years. I search for recognition & company. Perhaps, I’ve enough of the loneliness at home. Due to age gap between my sisters & me, I’m always being outcast unintentionally. My sisters find no topic between them & me. I once asked myself why all these were happening to me. “Was my birth a mistake?” I asked. But, to be sure, this is definitely not a mistake! God created everything for a purpose. We never know how great the plan is that God had prepared ahead for us. We just have to learn to lean on Him.

I’m not trying to tell everyone that I’m spiritual, I’m an attention seeker, and I’m pathetic here. I just want to share something that is so real in life that I’ve experienced or I’m experiencing. Walking with God is not easy. It never was. Not even a verse or a word in the bible says so. It is always trials & tribulations that are mentioned. How cruel it is, but this is life. Without them, we can’t grow nor be moulded.

I wish to hear a voice speaking to me when I’m all alone in a quiet room. I wish to see a light when I’m in the darkness. I wish to see a hand stretching out to me when I’m lost. This is so real, so real! This is exactly what I’m feeling & going through. You believe it or not, I’m not perfect. Being a Christian is not being perfect but learning to change to be better & better, to have breakthrough upon breakthrough. If people wants to criticize Christians, do they ever think in what stand they are to judge us. Let anyone who is perfect & sinless, comes forward & judge! They’re not God. So, who are they to judge?! There will be times that we will feel so injustice. This is life & is a fact that we’ve to recognize. We can’t be naïve to think that we’re going to live like a saint without any problem, sadness, disappointments & etc. in life. This is not the truth.

In God, we need to first acknowledge & know ourselves. Knowing who we are in God is a very important key in life. Without knowing, we’re just nothing. Just like we don’t know how to use a cell phone, the cell phone will become useless. The reason is the cell phone can’t release its potential as a cell phone. Therefore, it becomes dead. We don’t want to be that cell phone, do we?

In prayer:
God… Comes & heals us once again. Come & fill this place with your presence that comforts the souls. Lord… Without you, we’re nothing. Come & release the potential in us. Guides us, leads us, oh Lord…