I'm feeling very tired now. My body is without strength. My heart is reluctant to do anything. My mind can't think. All I need now is REST! This is the side effect of OT. I really don't like. I did OT very unwillingly. I wanted very much to reject it but I can't say it to the manager. It is a very contradicting feeling there.
I'm on leave tomorrow. I really need this break & time with my best friend, Kitty! God, please don't let my supervisor call me back to work tommorrow! I really don't have any energy for work tommorrow since I've prepared myself for the break. If I keep forcing myself to do work, I think I'll give up very soon. Worst to worst, the more that I may feel like resigning immediately. The situation in the company now is quite confusing. My heart just can't rest among all the confusion. Work has become much more & can't be understood. Sometimes I wonder what is going on. If I don't know the purpose behind some of the work given, I guess I can't do it efficiently. I'm always doing according to instructions given & with much confusion, not knowing why I need to do that. I guess my superior is also not clear in his mind too. He is too stressed up & occupied with too many things. Yet, our department is only him & I. This is all thanks to our MIA ex-colleague. Till today, I still feel that that colleague who went MIA is very irresponsible. How can he not accountable or responsible to his decision made?! He just leave us like that. Yes, we can survive without him. But, problems & inconvenience had already caused to us.
One of the reasons that I'm staying in this company now is the need of the pay for my school fee and another one is to help my superior in the work as the department has only us left. I feel I can't possibly leave him all alone there. His work is already very stressful & difficult to handle. It is just unfair that he has to do all the work of the department. Moreover, he is a superior! What superior is he if there's no assistants or people under him?
Of course, there is no promise that I'll stay in this company for long. Perhaps at least up to the end of this year after the bonus. Meantime, I'll have a lookout for related job to my course. Hopefully, I can find a better job with higher pay & has good potential in the developing of my career. God, I really need help!!!! I'm tired & confused right now.... :(
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